Sunday, June 12, 2011
So I like to think I knew I was pregnant from the beginning...but I also convinced myself I was just being paranoid. Cameron's parents had visited for the weekend and the moment they left I rode my bike to Target and bought the test. I rode home hyperventilating. I took the test....saw the results and thought, "See...you were just being silly....everything is just.....WHAT!!!! POSITIVE!!! AHHHHHH!!!!". (Note to my unborn child: I have always wanted you....ever since I could remember I wanted you....I just didn't expect you to come...well unexpected. But I love you just the same.) Then I began to cry. Now, from what I have read in books, seen in movies, and watched on commercials, mothers are often overjoyed. I was totally terrified. Money, space, traveling, getting in shape, sleeping, all those things were about to disappear. I pulled myself together and rode my bike to the Cafe to tell Cameron. I really felt like I was on the set of Juno. I had a thought while I was riding that there was a little thing on the bike with me...a stowaway. I was like a kid riding my bike as fast as I could to tell some very grownup news. Cameron thought for sure someone had died with the tears running down my face and shaking like a leaf. I told him and he was very calm and collected. He is and always will be my rock. He told me everything was fine, and we could do this. I settled down and rode my bike to work where I spent the rest of my day pretending that everything was fine. Playing with Sophia and greeting friends at the park. When I got home I remember thinking, "I have survived day 1!"